Light

On Thursday, I went to bed with no problems. I turned the lights off, got under the covers, closed my eyes, and went to sleep, embraced in the comforting darkness of the night.

On Friday, I went to bed with no problems. I turned the lights off, got under the covers, closed my eyes and waited. Sleep did not come. I opened one eye to try to figure out the problem. While searching the room, I noticed a pale, electric blue light illuminating my room. I wondered if NASA had paid my complex to install a space-probe.

Confused, I sat up. The eerily discomforting light had never been there before. Grumbling, I put on my robe and searched for the light. It was coming from the window. I went to the front door, opened it and saw it: a stadium size and grade light had been installed in place of the old landing light. The light was so bright, it not only illuminated two floors of stairs, it also illuminated the street below. I could see the future with this light.

Vampiric in my sleep habits, I need complete darkness to achieve sleepus maximus, REM level 5, dreamland express. As it was too late to do anything about the alien probe light, I sighed, went back to bed and resolved to complain about it tomorrow.

Two hours later, after tossing and turning in the bath of the light, I sat up, now cursing. My room looked like 6:00 am. It was, however, only 2:38 am. Everything was lit up by the light. I pulled the covers over my head. That solved the darkness problem, but created a breathing problem. I kicked the covers off.

An hour later, after asking God why He had fosaken me, I sat up again, now crying. I was so sleepy; I had to work in 4 hours and I had "this little light of mine" shining brightly in my bedroom.

I now stumbled out of bed with only one eye completely opened and began the maddening search for something to cover the window, and thus. the light. I settled for my bedsheet. I threw the sheet at the window. It did not stick. I found a nail near one corner of the window, but the sheet just hung limply, next to the window. I finally resolved to opening the closet door and creating a make-shift ledge from the door to the nail and tacked the bedsheet to the window.

Now I was disgusted. I have never lived anywhere where bedsheets take the place of curtains. Ghettofabulosity at its finest.

I lay back down. Sighed. Peace was imminent. I closed my eyes. The sheet hit the floor.

This went on for several hours.

The next morning, I was hot. Mad. Furious. And, sleepy. After work, I went straight to Target and purchased a curtain rod, and a curtain. I had not, however, measured the window. I looked at the picture on the back of the curtain, it looked like the curtain in my bedroom an grabbed it.

When I got back, I grabbed my trusty tool-kit. I started screwing the screws in the wall with my screwdriver. It was then that I learned, that no matter how strong one is or earnest one's intentions may be, it is virtually impossible to screw a brand new screw in a wall that does not already have a pre-established hole with a handheld screwdriver. Never to be daunted by a bump in the road, I decided to make a hole in the wall, for the screw and my screwdriver.

I got a hammer. I then began to hammer the screw into the wall. (Note: If you see nothing wrong with this, DO NOT EVER attempt to fix anything yourself). With bits of plaster crumbling to the floor, I managed to create two tiny holes. I also did not have a ruler. So, I actually managed to create two tiny crooked holes. I hammered the screws into the wall and attached the right side of the curtain rod.

Smiling at my progress, I went to the other side of the window and began the same painstaking process of hammering a screw into the wall. Once I had two screws and two brackets into the wall, I put up the curtain rod. It was too short and the brackets were too far apart.

So I got a hanger. I took apart the hanger and extended the length of the curtain rod. I strung the curtain across the length of the curtain rod and the hanger. I hung the curtain. It leaned to the left. (but only slightly, to all you pessimists, who are attempting to get YOUR seven chuckles at this).

Finally. A curtain to cover the dastardly light. The rod leaned dangerously toward the ground.

it was at this point that a few guys I know offered to fix the problem. Damsel-in-distress that I am, I bought a six-pack and a bucket of chicken so they could work with food and drink. I also bought a longer rod.

They straightened the holes, added reinforcements and installed the brackets for the rod.