Yesterday I breathed

When I woke up on Friday morning, I expected to have a wonderful three day weekend. I expected to attend a Halloween soiree (I did) and have wonderful tales of debauchery and sin and festivus to share with you when I was done (I don't). I expected to sleep late, stay up late, and get up late--all the result of me running wild in the Vegas streets on this hallowed weekend.

I did not expect my uncle to die.

On Friday evening, I started my weekend as I had originally planned--with a cocktail and some three inch heels. I partied, got sore feet and partied some more. I came home at a very unrespectable hour, expecting to crash into a fitful slumber. Fifteen minutes into my sleep time, my phone rang. I ignored it. I called the unrecognizable number back to no answer. I dismissed it. Ten minutes later, my sister called. I answered. Thirty seconds later I shot up in my bed like a cannon and listened to my sister cry on the verge of hysteria. I felt nothing.

Several hours later, however, while driving home in the dark in an unfamiliar land with unfamiliar people and in an unfamiliar time, I started sobbing uncontrollably. The selfish part of me is angry and sad and hurt that my favorite uncle of all time; the best uncle for tricks and teases; the uncle who kidnapped me as a child for a day in the park; the uncle who taught me to correctly cut a pineapple and apply a fake mole (for emphasis); the uncle who could always make me laugh--even when he was insulting me; the uncle who never found a group of people he did not know is gone. The unselfish part of me is so very thankful that God finally released him of his pain and he is in peace. I am not sure which part of me is stronger.

For those of you who know me, you are aware that for the past few years I have lived with my uncle Larry, who I am both saddened and glad to say passed of a heart attack on Friday night.

For those of you who know me, you are aware of the internal dilemnas I have dealt with (and probably not very well) over the past few years.

For those of you who know me, you are aware of the stress I and my family have felt--you know of midnight ambulance runs, tears in the middle of night, the constant threat of death hanging over our heads.

For those of you who know me, you are aware of the most painful and taxing four years of my life.

For those of you who know me, I am telling you that for the first time in years, yesterday I finally exhaled and am just now beginning to breathe again.

I refuse to think of my uncle in the context that I have seen him over the past few years. I remember the uncle I knew as a kid and as a teenager--the uncle who brought presents and laughs wherever he was. So, both crying and laughing, Uncle Larry, I remember you.

*M*

Here are some of my absolute favorite "Uncle Larry" one liners:

Who cares about Mr. Right? I want Mr. Right Now.
I might be an old man, but I've got young ideas
I don't like to tell people when I was born, but it wasn't yesterday
You're the prettiest girl on the block--just don't leave the block (can't tell you how many times I heard that one)
I came in like a million bucks, now I feel like a cancelled check.
You should be shot with a shit gun
I used to give it away--but now I have to buy it back
I was blessed by Mother Nature but fucked up by Father Time
What do you expect from me? I'm just a tired old colored woman
Who did your hair? The wind?
You used to be a live chicken, now you're a cooked goose
You lazy lima bean
With us you can't drop just a hint--you have to drop the whole anchor
Just because there's snow on the roof don't mean there's no fire in the furnace.
It's like my uncle down south used to say--don't go naming those chickens unless it's going to be lunch or dinner.