69

Dollars, that is.

This past weekend I took a trip to my mailbox. Inside there were two letters, both from the IRS.

Here is letter #1:

Dear Miah D.,

After careful review of your 2007 tax returns, we have determined that you are eligible for a stimulus check in the amount of $600. You should receive your check in a few days, however if you do not receive it in the next six to twelve weeks, please call our office. Your government thanks you for your citizenry, and loyalty and we ask you to hang an American flag from your balcony.

(So I ad libbed a little) A tiny smile danced across my face. I need some stimulus in my life and I want to do all I can, as a dutiful citizen of these United States to assist alleviating our current economic troubles--or, as John McCain says--the recession that is in my head.

Here is letter #2: (These came from the same office, mind you)

Dear Miah D.:
After careful review of your 2007 tax returns, we have determined that you still own the IRS $669.50 in federal taxes. These are due. Failure to pay will result in penalties and fees and possible jail time in Guantanamo Bay. We consider failure to pay to be financial terrorism, and is covered in Section 342, Subsection 32A, Codes 55-58 of the IRS guidelines in addition to Section 88, Subsection65, Codes 32-35, pages 954-980 of the Homeland Security Act. Both of these documents can be found on line.

(So I ad libbed a little). The smile left my face.

While math was certainly not my best subject in school, I think I can handle some basic subtraction. If you give me $600, but I owe you $669.50, what will I have left? Add in the cost of a stamp...and I have about $69 to help stimulate the government.

Yay.