The Terminal--starring Me, not Tom Hanks

This shit only happens to ME!!!

So I am supposed to be on a flight to Detroit right now. I am supposed to be in the air, flying the friendy skies with NWA. I am supposed to be laid back, watching an in-flight crappy movie.

I am not.

I am currently stuck in the airport, waiting for a midnight flight.

My original flight was supposed to leave at 6:00 pm. I was at the airport at 4:30. After being shuffled to the third overflow lot (Vegas has more air traffic this weekend than Christmas), I prayed to God that I did not miss my flight. He smiled upon me. I got my ticket, was screened by security and settled down at the gate so I could wait comfortably for my flight. I started reading.

The stewardess announced on the overhead that the bathroonm in first classs had overflown (Ewww) and they were in the process of cleaning the mess. (double ewww). After waiting more than an hour, I asked how long the wait would be. Another stewardess said that it would be at least another twenty minutes. I got up and went to the bathroom. On my way back to the gate, I stopped for a hamburger as I was incredibly hungry and didn't want to buy food on the plane. This whole process took 15 minutes.

When I got back to the gate, the first thing I noticed was the noticeable absence of people. The passengers I had been sitting with had disappeared. Then I noticed the plane, pulling backwards from the runway. My stomach did that thing where it lurches, twists and drops.

Holding a lukewarm diet coke and a soggy veggie whopper, I asked a question I already knew the answer to: "Exuse me, did the 1198 flight to Detroit leave?"

The stewardess looked at me and said "What's your name?" I told her. She replied, "I paged you." I didn't believe her.

Unless I have lost the ability to recognize my own name when it is called on a PA system, I do not think she paged me. In fact, I am sure she did not page me. How am I sure? I heard no less than six pages for six other passengers going to Minneapolis, Burbank, and Atlanta. I actually tuned my ears up when I left the gate because I was thinking "If they get the shitter cleaned up,I'm sure they'll page me because I"ve checked in."

So, now I've been bumped onto a US Airways red-eye flight that leaves no less than 4.5 hours from now.