I am not afraid of spiders.

Or so I thought.

Until today, when a creature which goes by the title "wolf spider" crawled its way inside my classroom.

Now, those of you who know me know that I do not suffer from arachnaephobia (fear of spiders), but I instead suffer from ornithophobia (fear of birds). Nothing sends me shrieking in fear faster than a death-ray flying rat pidgeon swooping from the sky with murder gleaming in its red, sinister little eye. The occasional arachnid don't bother me. I've even been known to keep a few around my basement or other spots in my house so they can kill beetles or other creepy-crawlies that I"m not fond of. I was the kid that never understood Little Miss Muffet and mourned amongside Wilbur for Charlotte.

Until today.

Today, I was confronted with the largest, harriest, creepiest spider I've ever seen: I was confronted by a wolf spider--so named because of the stealth and speed it uses to capture and attack its prey. It spits venom, and though not poisonous to humans, it can cause rashes, hives, extreme itching and, evidently, paralysis.

When I saw it crawling along the wall, my first thought was "Ok, don't react. You'll scare the kids. Nothing is worse than a pack of scared kids." When I saw it crawling toward me, my next thought was "Screw that and the kids!" I shrieked. EEEEEIIIIIIAAAAAHHHHH! WHAT IS THAT?!" *A Note to all of my friends who are pursuing education: ALWAYS stick to your first thought and NEVER scare the kids. Pandemonium WILL ensue*

Of course, pandemonium ensued. Luckily this class is small (15 kids) and most of them kept their wits about them as one of the girls (neither of the boys, mind you) ran up, peered down and said nonchantly "Oh, that's just a wolf spider."

"WHAT is a WOLF spider?!" I shrieked as my feet were propped up in the air as my butt was planted firmly on a seat.

"Oh, it's nothing Ms. Daughtery. Don't you all have those in Michigan?" this petite, 5'0 chubby-cheeked girl looked back and asked. "My dad's an exterminator. We have tons of these here."

I felt like saying "Hell no we don't have wolf spiders in Michigan. We have Vernors, Sanders hot fudge, Faygo, the occasional fox, a few bunnies and garbage seeking raccoons. We have mice which grow into gutter rats. We have hennessey. We have trees and grass. We have the gun-toting Militia. We have craps games in alleys and the largest import-export weave system in the entire United States. We most definitely do NOT have spiders that are named after wolves. " But, I held my sarcasm and just said "No."

She sighed. She killed it. I swear I saw green gas puff out of its body as it exhaled its last breath. The lesson continued.

For my friends who think I exaggerate everything, take a careful look at the picture. Would you want THAT coming at you, poised and ready to attack?

This should be titled "8th grade girl saves teacher from hairy, massive, sprinting, people eating, venom-spitting, spittle-dribbling, paralysis-inflicting, though-not-deadly, spider."