On Why I Need a Gay Man...

I hate shopping. This revelation came as a suprise to me, because for years I thought I loved shopping. I mean, one could take a look at my bank account and spending habits and reasonably conclude that at the very least I enjoy the sport. However, the hard reality is this: I really do not like shopping.

Let me clarify: i love shopping for clothes and nothing gets me more excited than a good grocery store(Holiday Market, Papa Joe's, Whole Foods...). I hate shopping for furniture. Furniture shopping is tedious and it gives me a headache. The only reason I have the limited amount of furniture I do have is because someone else convinced me to buy it. My bedroom set? My mom and dad. My table and chair? Alana. My bar stools? A woman at work gave them to me. My TV? Thanks, Monica. That completes the furniture I curently have.

I need a computer desk. I have needed one for a minute and had planned on purchasing one in January. I went looking at computer desks and, as usual, got frustrated and irritated. Why are there so many choices? Should I get a wooden desk or a metal desk? Should I get a desk with a glass top or a desk with a hutch? What the hell is a hutch and do I need one? If I get a wooden desk, should I get wooded bookshelves? If I get a metal desk, will I be screwed when it comes to bookshelves because I do not want metal bookshelves? Should I get a desk that is 54" in height? What the hell does 54" in height really mean? Should I get a desk I can assemble? Would I really assemble it? Do I want a desk that I can roll from room to room?

Then I found a desk I really wanted. It was solid mahagony, heavy, stately--the desk said "work. hard work. important work." The desk was $1400. I left sans desk.

My thought process went on for an hour. At that point, in utter frustration, I left the fourth store and came home. Without a desk.

This is the reason I do not have a sofa, the reason I do not have curtains (I do have venetian blinds, but they came with the apartment), the reason I do not have a wall clock, the reason I do not have wall sconces, and on and on and on. I need a gay man to help me. I really find nothing fun or entertaining about this whole decorating business. I do not have an "eye." I do not "visualize." I do not have "perspective" or "depth." I do not really understand "complimentary color." Blah blah blah. I need a gay man with these things to help me first find a desk and then sort out the rest of my very barren apartment.

*M*